Author Topic: The Faith of the Nine Divines  (Read 97 times)

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The Faith of the Nine Divines
« on: November 27, 2019, 01:27:42 PM »
The Nine Divines are the fundamentals of life in the known universe. The Divines came to the first prophets in the year of 2019 on the planet Earth when Disney was contained to a place known as Florida. Depictions found the Great Book of The Hungry Caterpillar of this Florida place shows lava flowing through the air and great big metal structures with those known ears terrorising the landscape. The divines came to the first prophet a man named Adam of the Watson household, as they saw he was the first worthy lifeforms to pass their message of understanding and balance of the universe to all other species among the stars. They showed him how to live his life and how to truly make it to the great life after the mortal one everyone worries too much about.

The most important word in the whole Faith is Aszfe which means may the Divines bless you. This is said after every teaching and is what you agree to when joining the Faith.

The first Divine is the Divine of Openness. This divine taught the first prophet to make himself to be like an open book but with modesty and humility. This divine brought to Adam an item of clothing essential to a pure life, the now famous with the religion, the mankini. The colour of the mankini depicts the members rank within the faith with the current prophet being the only wearer of the florescent green holy mankini.


The second Divine is the Divine of Giving. The more you give to society the greater society will be so this is the second most important teaching in the Faith. This is why the Faith takes money of every member monthly so that the Faith can continue its incredible work such as the rehousing of orphans on Pluto and other great work.


The third Divine is the Divine of Killing. Killing is only allowed against those who have not paid to have their sins removed and instead lead sinful lives. The removal of them from this life is an act of remorse for them and will allow them to enjoy the next eternal life better.


The fourth Divine is the Divine of Alcohol. Alcohol is bad and should not be drunk. However for an extra 50 bux a month in repent allows you to be forgiven for you inability to follow this divines teaching. This is due to effect that alcohol leads to hatred which breaks the first Divines teachings of being humbleness.


The fifth Divine is the Divine of Offerings and Repent. All money is transferred to the current prophet so that they may use the money to allow the advancement and maintenance of all the Faiths advancements. It is up the the member to admit to their repent and pay it to the Faith as the Divines see all and shall punish in the next life if the member fails to repent correctly.

Offerings are required monthly and the amount given depicts your ranking within the religion.
500 bux a month  gets you a purple mankini and the rank of Hülye. (Moron)
100 bux a month gets you a grey mankini and the rank of Egyszerű Ember. (Simpleton)
50 bux a month gets you a white mankini and the rank of Eretnek. (Heretic)

Repent is paid when you don’t follow the teachings of the Nine Divines and wish to clean your soul with an extra donation to the Faith so they can carry out the great work in the community on your behalf.


The sixth divine is the Divine of Weaponry. When fighting only melee weapons or your own hands should be used for killing as this allows the Divines to strength you in you actions of carrying out their work. However for sports such as hunting or when in spaceships guns are allowed to be used as this is for self defence and not for carrying out the Divines work. For only 150 bux donation the great prophet will bless your weapon and ask the Divines to watch over it and lead you to carry out their greater plan.


If you wish to find out about the other 3 divines then please transfer 200 bux to the account of Chewcatta the prophet.
If you’re good at something, never do it for free.