Author Topic: Breaking D&D 3.5: the barbarian space program (wall of text warning)  (Read 2464 times)

BioSpark

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G'day,

May have posted this somewhere before, apologies if this is a repeat.

What we're trying to do here is find a way to get a D&D character into space.  I think it's possible and will show my working.  Contrary to what you might believe, you'll need to be using intelligence as a dump stat to achieve this because rocket science will not help us.  However, I'm trying to improve the process so if anybody has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

My ultimate goal is to find a way to field this in a legitimate game (but BIG bonus points if anyone can pull it off in the Nationals!)

I don't know how up on D&D 3.5 the society is as a whole but I've been working on a character build that is... well, not practical but does demonstrate how the complexity of D&D 3.5 can thoroughly ruin the system.  And honestly, I find the idea of launching barbarians into space to be hilarious and a little Jim Henson.  I'd like to know if anybody can add anything else to this guy 'cause I'm sure there's plenty of potential here.
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Rager Tom - Warforged Barbarian 1 (Lion totem variant, loses movement speed but can full attack on a charge)/Fighter 5/Frenzied Berserker 10
Whatever assorted feats to support your weapon of choice as well as the frenzied berserker pre-requisite feats.

The key is supreme cleave (a frenzied berserker feat) and mice, ants or other small animals.  With supreme cleave, every time you cleave you can take a 5ft step and continue cleaving anything within arm's reach.  This normally allows a little increased mobility.

Every time a character with supreme cleave kills, he can take a 5ft step.  There is nothing in the rules to dictate in which direction you step and it does not state that "straight up" is not an option but let's assume that we can only move forwards.  We're already taking the piss, so let's not take the entire dialysis machine too.  Stood atop a mountain, your berserker rages, then pulverises a mouse.  He then moves 5ft and cleaves.  Even if he rolls a 1 to attack, the mouse is unlikely to dodge (he's, what, AC15 and you have 16 levels of full-BAB class progression).  Your damage is basically guaranteed to kill it.  You then use your cleave to kill another mouse.  Since supreme cleave is an extension of greater cleave (cleave infinitely until you run out of targets) you become a grim parody of Journey and don't stop a-cleavin'.  The fall damage from atop that mountain would kill you at this point, anyway.

The speed of light is 983571056 feet per second.  To achieve this, you're going to need to have more rodents than the pied piper of Hamelin taking a trip to Skavenblight, so forget that.  However, I believe that the speed of sound is roughly 1100 feet per second.  So about 1325 mice.  At about 10 grams per mouse, that's WELL within your encumbrance limit.  I also believe that, to get to the upper atmosphere, you'd need to travel maybe 32000000 feet.  6.4 million mice or 640000kg.  There's a problem.  However, using quick draw, you can draw items from about your person as a free action.  A bag of holding can hold up to about 250 times its own weight.  That's just 2560kg of bags of mice.  You'd need to have maybe 39 points of STR for this to be feasible but with items, stat books, stat points from levelling and weird strength feats (surge of strength etc) it's sorta doable.

Alternatively, get a friendly character with a fly speed to give you a boost.  All that really matters is your starting position.

This is where the combat utility comes in.  Your character is now travelling forward faster than his falling speed (about 500ft per round, give or take) because all this forward movement occurs within 6 seconds.  Actually hitting an opponent at this point will move than likely shatter your character's arms and will certainly destroy his weapon.  The damage taken will utterly kill the barbarian, in fact, but travelling at that speed is certain to add a lot of bonus damage.

We can ignore escape velocity now.  We're only moving a fixed distance downwards per round but supreme cleave makes forward movement potentially infinite.  As your barbarian is hurled forward, his forward speed will greatly exceed his falling speed.  I'm not any kind of engineer, but moving directly forward and only slightly downward, he's eventually going to be seeing the curvature of the earth as after 500ft, he's no longer affected by silly things like gravity.  At which point, with no air resistance in space he's going to be maintaining a pretty consistent speed until he collides with something which, being space, could take a long, LONG time.  As a warforged, he doesn't need to breathe and is probably not too affected by things like decompression (but it's still only been 6 seconds since he was on his home world so even a human wouldn't be suffocating yet).  He may be taking quite a lot of cold damage but he was probably set on fire as he flew into space, so that's got to count for some cold resistance.

Now all you have to do is jettison the fuel pods and take one last look at the earth as your mice burn up in the atmosphere.

For additional fun:
Add "+ damage on charge" feats
Add "+ damage on jump attack" feats
Hide plot-sensitive magic items in the depths of space (great for defending a lich phylactery!)
Take the Cometary Collision feat, a 10ft pole and play asteroid snooker
Take a few levels of perform and Bowie your way across the stars


Kinks to work out
A way to obtain that many mice without your DM noticing
A way to survive in the cold of space (we're looking at more cold damage than Mordenkainen could dream of)
A cost effective way to carry animals into space, allowing MORE movement once you leave orbit without the animals dying of cold.  A portable portal to a warehouse filled with rats may fix this but there are a few problems there.  Something tiny with cold immunity would do.



Finally, there are no stat lines for planets, so we have to take some liberties.  Based on the homebrewed stats of Great A'tuin, a small planet could maybe be considered to have somewhere in the region of 10 billion HP and is large enough that it probably has little to no AC (it's VERY physically solid, yes, but its negative size modifier to AC would be monstrous.  If you couldn't hurt a planet, picks and shovels wouldn't work).  If you're able to move fast enough and continue to move, building momentum and speed constantly, I think it might be possible to do enough impact damage to the point of becoming a one-shot Death Star.  You'd have fallen thousands of miles (at LEAST) but since fall damage caps out at 20d6, you could easily survive the impact, cleave the planet and just keep going.
I can still tend the rabbits, George?

Captain Shortworth

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Re: Breaking D&D 3.5: the barbarian space program (wall of text warning)
« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2014, 06:49:52 PM »
The sudden and massive drop in air pressure while maintaining his temperature will cause his blood to boil.
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BioSpark

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Re: Breaking D&D 3.5: the barbarian space program (wall of text warning)
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2014, 01:01:53 PM »
I don't think warforged characters have blood.  I vaguely remember that they're kind of golems.
I can still tend the rabbits, George?

Ant

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Re: Breaking D&D 3.5: the barbarian space program (wall of text warning)
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2014, 06:51:45 PM »
The sudden and massive drop in air pressure while maintaining his temperature will cause his blood to boil.

Ring of comfort

Ant

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Re: Breaking D&D 3.5: the barbarian space program (wall of text warning)
« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2014, 06:57:40 PM »
Or you could use a Spelljammer...if you remember them

BioSpark

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Re: Breaking D&D 3.5: the barbarian space program (wall of text warning)
« Reply #5 on: January 20, 2014, 12:22:45 PM »
Spelljammer I suspect would be forbidden.

Ring of comfort, though... depending on setting, I'm getting that it either confers cold resistance 1 or makes the person feel as if the environment was 3 levels closer to warm.  I'm not sure if that blocks damage, the D&D wiki is blocked here.

I've just found the ring of energy immunity, though.  240,000 gp but that'll do the trick.

Or there's something I'm seeing here about "frostrager" as a prestige barbarian class that is healed by the cold.  He might even survive impact with space debris, then.
I can still tend the rabbits, George?