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Metro 2033: The Dark / Pierre Descartes
« on: October 22, 2014, 11:20:31 AM »
Elevator pitch: A emotionally deadened junkie former idealistic cop who plays by his own rules to protect and serve on his own terms.  Angst, big handguns, vigilante justice.

Also, I seem to have misspelled the surname on my character sheet.  I shouldn't use names I've never seen written down...

"So your stock's being stolen?  I can sympathise, we've all got problems down here and I can make yours go away.  Not difficult but my services ain't free.  We're going to make a deal 'cause I can tell you're a reasonable person; I help you, you stop gouging prices on vitamins when you know your customers are sick."

Pierre's parents moved to Russia in the 1960s.  Having travelled much of the world, they'd fallen in love with Russia's culture and had decided it was an ideal place to start a family.

To his parents' shame, Pierre never really got to grips with the language of his family.  He just never showed any interest in learning about other cultures and ways of living because like his parents, Pierre also fell in love with this country.  As an adult he was intensely patriotic which led to a career in law enforcement, catching petty criminals and assisting the public with a warm smile and friendly demeanour.  Never cut out for military service, there could be no better way to serve this great country.

When the bombs dropped, Pierre was among the first officials trying to direct panic-stricken citizens into the underground.  There they waited, whiling away the long years, living how they could in a strange, dark new world where all the old rules had changed.  This new place wasn't Russia as Pierre knew it.  He hated it bitterly.  He hated its lawless nature, he hated having to struggle and fight just to survive, he hated how the people he'd protected and served would trample him into the ground for a few miserable bullets.

Pierre still wants to do the right thing to a degree.  Years of anger, frustration and feelings of helplessness have very much changed him and his ideals.  Rather than serving the public trust, he very much feels inclined to serve the greater good, doing anything he can to improve living conditions and to dispense justice as he sees fit, no matter the cost.  Of course, you've got to look out for number one above all else.  A few years of studying the criminal mind above ground and many more studying the depths of depravity he's seen in the darkness have given him a unique set of useful, practical skills.  Skills he's not above using.

At the height of his despair and depression, Pierre turned to substance abuse as a means of escape.  Maybe with a little luck, one day his habit will do what he never had the courage to and end his suffering permanently.  He doesn't care what he takes, heroin for preference, home brewed chemical sludge in a pinch, just so long as he has a reasonable supply to hand.  He always, always wears heavy long sleeved shirts, even in warm environments.  His arms are a network of discoloured veins, a black, blue and white landscape decorated with puncture wounds and ugly, weeping, stinking sores, memories of a time when he wasn't so careful about where he sourced his needles from and what he used to cook up his medicine.  It's almost as if his revulsion of the undergound has physically manifest.

He doesn't hide his drug use.  Dirty secrets leave dirty trails behind them.  He only hides his body because it's too painful a reminder of what every endless day is bringing him closer to becoming.  A dependant, incapable wreck.  Maybe eventually the protector will have to become the protected.


27-29th of March is set as the provisional date for the Nationals this year.  About 249 days, 7 hours by my reckoning so start preparing yourselves!

The Bar / Anyone for cheeky beer on Saturday- 15/03?
« on: March 13, 2014, 12:08:37 PM »
For those of you who don't book their face or are too cool to follow the HUGS group, a few of us were thinking of popping to the Rat and Ratchet on Saturday for an evening of sophisticated discourse and maybe some jokes about orc willies.  Anybody in?  Looking at abooout half 6 to 7ish.

No particular reason.  If anybody has a reason, we'll celebrate it.

Uprising / Armok Grayson
« on: March 12, 2014, 12:39:58 PM »
"You need parts, I need to make room in my stores for a shipment of ammunition coming in the next 3 days.  You'd actually be helping me a lot by buying today so let's make a deal.  I promise that you'll not find a cheaper price anywhere else.

Where did I source them?  How's about I knock off another 10% because you're doing me such a big favour, sound good?  Sure it does!"

Armok's birth was an accident.  His parents were small-time entertainers who travelled the stars looking for work, but times were hard and life was a constant struggle.  When Armok's mother became pregnant, it was clear that there would be no way to support this child.

His earliest memories are of life on board the vessel that he would come to call his home, the Golden Opportunity, a tiny but optimstically named trading vessel captained by a human, Gareth "King" Grayson.  King took the child on willingly after a chance encounter with the parents, claiming that he'd lost his own children during a raid on his ship and wanted to fill the void in his life.  In reality, King was a conman and believed that having a confused and scared child on his ship would be good for his particular brand of trade.

Armok grew up under his foster father's wing, telling sob stories to strangers ("Please buy, mister.  If papa doesn't meet his quota this month then he can't afford to fix my rebreather *cough, cough*...").  He turned out to have quite the knack for manipulating people, even more so when King forced him to undergo cosmetic surgery to give him "a more trustworthy and businesslike appearance" as he got older.  Moving from grifting to actual trade, Armok was still willing to do almost anything to get a sale and King eventually began to feel a small pang of pride for the lad.

Even more so when Armok stole the Golden Opportunity and fenced it, along with its current cargo of narcotics.

Armok is known as something of a cheat and a thief.  King doesn't blame him for what he did (and he still supplies him from time to time) but he did place a moderate bounty on Armok's head just to teach him a lesson.  Nothing significant, just enough to keep Armok on his toes.  King was less upset about the theft and more that Armok didn't hide his tracks better.

The segway is a recent purchase.  Armok is all flash and style with very little substance beneath.  Turning up to meetings spluttering and wheezing wasn't a dignified way of conducting business.  He now avoids physical exertion at all costs.

Right now, he's a mouth for hire, an occasional trader and an insincere sycophant with a knack for telling people what they want to hear.


May have posted this somewhere before, apologies if this is a repeat.

What we're trying to do here is find a way to get a D&D character into space.  I think it's possible and will show my working.  Contrary to what you might believe, you'll need to be using intelligence as a dump stat to achieve this because rocket science will not help us.  However, I'm trying to improve the process so if anybody has any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

My ultimate goal is to find a way to field this in a legitimate game (but BIG bonus points if anyone can pull it off in the Nationals!)

I don't know how up on D&D 3.5 the society is as a whole but I've been working on a character build that is... well, not practical but does demonstrate how the complexity of D&D 3.5 can thoroughly ruin the system.  And honestly, I find the idea of launching barbarians into space to be hilarious and a little Jim Henson.  I'd like to know if anybody can add anything else to this guy 'cause I'm sure there's plenty of potential here.

Rager Tom - Warforged Barbarian 1 (Lion totem variant, loses movement speed but can full attack on a charge)/Fighter 5/Frenzied Berserker 10
Whatever assorted feats to support your weapon of choice as well as the frenzied berserker pre-requisite feats.

The key is supreme cleave (a frenzied berserker feat) and mice, ants or other small animals.  With supreme cleave, every time you cleave you can take a 5ft step and continue cleaving anything within arm's reach.  This normally allows a little increased mobility.

Every time a character with supreme cleave kills, he can take a 5ft step.  There is nothing in the rules to dictate in which direction you step and it does not state that "straight up" is not an option but let's assume that we can only move forwards.  We're already taking the piss, so let's not take the entire dialysis machine too.  Stood atop a mountain, your berserker rages, then pulverises a mouse.  He then moves 5ft and cleaves.  Even if he rolls a 1 to attack, the mouse is unlikely to dodge (he's, what, AC15 and you have 16 levels of full-BAB class progression).  Your damage is basically guaranteed to kill it.  You then use your cleave to kill another mouse.  Since supreme cleave is an extension of greater cleave (cleave infinitely until you run out of targets) you become a grim parody of Journey and don't stop a-cleavin'.  The fall damage from atop that mountain would kill you at this point, anyway.

The speed of light is 983571056 feet per second.  To achieve this, you're going to need to have more rodents than the pied piper of Hamelin taking a trip to Skavenblight, so forget that.  However, I believe that the speed of sound is roughly 1100 feet per second.  So about 1325 mice.  At about 10 grams per mouse, that's WELL within your encumbrance limit.  I also believe that, to get to the upper atmosphere, you'd need to travel maybe 32000000 feet.  6.4 million mice or 640000kg.  There's a problem.  However, using quick draw, you can draw items from about your person as a free action.  A bag of holding can hold up to about 250 times its own weight.  That's just 2560kg of bags of mice.  You'd need to have maybe 39 points of STR for this to be feasible but with items, stat books, stat points from levelling and weird strength feats (surge of strength etc) it's sorta doable.

Alternatively, get a friendly character with a fly speed to give you a boost.  All that really matters is your starting position.

This is where the combat utility comes in.  Your character is now travelling forward faster than his falling speed (about 500ft per round, give or take) because all this forward movement occurs within 6 seconds.  Actually hitting an opponent at this point will move than likely shatter your character's arms and will certainly destroy his weapon.  The damage taken will utterly kill the barbarian, in fact, but travelling at that speed is certain to add a lot of bonus damage.

We can ignore escape velocity now.  We're only moving a fixed distance downwards per round but supreme cleave makes forward movement potentially infinite.  As your barbarian is hurled forward, his forward speed will greatly exceed his falling speed.  I'm not any kind of engineer, but moving directly forward and only slightly downward, he's eventually going to be seeing the curvature of the earth as after 500ft, he's no longer affected by silly things like gravity.  At which point, with no air resistance in space he's going to be maintaining a pretty consistent speed until he collides with something which, being space, could take a long, LONG time.  As a warforged, he doesn't need to breathe and is probably not too affected by things like decompression (but it's still only been 6 seconds since he was on his home world so even a human wouldn't be suffocating yet).  He may be taking quite a lot of cold damage but he was probably set on fire as he flew into space, so that's got to count for some cold resistance.

Now all you have to do is jettison the fuel pods and take one last look at the earth as your mice burn up in the atmosphere.

For additional fun:
Add "+ damage on charge" feats
Add "+ damage on jump attack" feats
Hide plot-sensitive magic items in the depths of space (great for defending a lich phylactery!)
Take the Cometary Collision feat, a 10ft pole and play asteroid snooker
Take a few levels of perform and Bowie your way across the stars

Kinks to work out
A way to obtain that many mice without your DM noticing
A way to survive in the cold of space (we're looking at more cold damage than Mordenkainen could dream of)
A cost effective way to carry animals into space, allowing MORE movement once you leave orbit without the animals dying of cold.  A portable portal to a warehouse filled with rats may fix this but there are a few problems there.  Something tiny with cold immunity would do.

Finally, there are no stat lines for planets, so we have to take some liberties.  Based on the homebrewed stats of Great A'tuin, a small planet could maybe be considered to have somewhere in the region of 10 billion HP and is large enough that it probably has little to no AC (it's VERY physically solid, yes, but its negative size modifier to AC would be monstrous.  If you couldn't hurt a planet, picks and shovels wouldn't work).  If you're able to move fast enough and continue to move, building momentum and speed constantly, I think it might be possible to do enough impact damage to the point of becoming a one-shot Death Star.  You'd have fallen thousands of miles (at LEAST) but since fall damage caps out at 20d6, you could easily survive the impact, cleave the planet and just keep going.

The Bar / Student bars
« on: January 13, 2014, 12:08:02 PM »

I'm trying to do a bit of event promotion for an event with a certain amount of student appeal so I fancied trying to leaflet bomb a few pubs.  Anybody got any suggestions for particularly studenty pubs in town?  I was thinking of trying Rhubarb and the SU Bar at least but aside from that, I've no clue.


Paranoia High Programmers / Please may I be excused?
« on: December 03, 2013, 12:05:48 PM »
After having boxed up all my worldy goods, I now need to unbox them.  This is proving a little bit time consuming.  I won't be down this week I'm afraid, it's the only way I'm likely to get this stuff sorted out before Christmas.

I'd say you should send Hugh-U along to the event and have him act as if I was there, but I'm not sending any of you my character sheet.

Student Nationals / St Patrick's
« on: February 25, 2013, 09:52:16 PM »
Just in case anyone wasn't aware (which I think includes nobody), the final day of this glorious event coincides with St Patrick's day.

The stars are right.  The celestial bodies in perfect alignment for the first, and perhaps only, time.

Just food for thought.

*Deep in a pocket of Theo's schoolbag, locked with a padlock and tiny key is a diary filled with crude drawings of animals, plants and what seems to be an ongoing first draft of the next installment in his father's unpopular but regularly published Bagshot Chronicles.  It reads as part diary, part horrendously self-serving swashbuckling adventure story.
Frequent crossings out (and the worn out thesaurus that it's kept alongside)  suggest that Theo may spend a lot of time rewriting passages and replacing them with more grandiose statements.*

Dearest reader,
My name is Theodore Ulysses Anthony Bagshot, son of the renowned explorer, archeologist, creature tamer and adventurer Reginald Tarquin Bagshot.  In the gripping pages that will follow, I shall take you to the furthest corners of the Earth and quite possibly beyond!  We shall experience fantastic things, you and I, excitement, adventure and astounding feats of bravery!
My destiny began innocently enough with an expedition to a local museum, filled no doubt almost exclusively with the trophies and discoveries of my beloved father.  As our trip came to a close, I was just explaining some of the finer points of tiger baiting to a colleague of mine when a raging inferno burst from nowhere!  Was it the work of one of the many ne'er do wells who are desperate to end the Bagshot line so they can continue their dastardly pursuits unpunished?  The world may never know.  I bravely attempted to pull my fellow students to safety but alas, no exit could be found and I began to succumb to the dull fatigue of smoke inhalation.
But fear not, for this is only the beginning of our tale!
A most curious turn of events followed.  Cool, unseen arms enveloped me, pulled me to safety, sang with the voice of an angel, a song of hope and safe passage.  It was most uplifting, in every possible sense!  When I came to, I lay in a field along with a number of my classmates, all similarly groggy but otherwise unharmed (and I should know, being something of a dab hand with a first aid kit as any gentleman explorer should be).  It was late in the day, cool and comfortable, but this was unfamiliar territory and the skies foretold a grim prophecy, threatening to lash us with rain and lightning.  My companions were crying and shouting, having discovered some poor soul who had, quite obviously to those of a medical mind, simply been struck by lightning.  A terrible, unlikely fate, but one that I was keen for the rest of us to avoid as I took stock of our surroundings and tried to identify a source of shelter for the night.
Considering we were stood in what was unmistakably rural Holland, at least civilisation would be close at hand.  Arriving there before nightfall so these poor souls wouldn't die of exposure?  There was the problem.
We proceeded to a nearby forest with a small dwelling inside.  I was initially concerned, while I was sure we would be able to explain our situation to a fellow Brit, I feared that communication here would be an issue as I have yet to learn how to speak word one of Hollandaise.  Thankfully, one of our number (a most resourceful young scamp) managed to pry open the door revealing a comfortable and abandoned dwelling.  The correspondence on the kitchen table told a simple but tragic tale of a woman down on her luck, unable to keep up with her rent.  Perhaps Holland has not yet established a debt consolidation industry.  We huddled down for the night but realised to our horror that two of our party had fled into the night!  While the wolves now bearing down on our location were obviously no threat (as you well know, the old addage of them being more afraid of us is quite, quite true), I did fear for their safety.  It was dark and an unfamiliar place.
Time passed, the door flew open and the two returned, unharmed but distraught.  Unsurprising as they brought with them the bloated corpse of the lightning-stricken woman.  The most hysterical, a young lady with whom I've rarely had the pleasure of conversing with before now, simply would not stop fretting about the contents of this woman.  Most bewildering.  But, as every gentleman is aware, the needs of a lady in distress must always be a gentleman's primary concern and with a grimace and a grunt, I managed to... well, I won't trouble you with the details, but some deranged individual had left an egg within her body cavity, still warm from the prior lightning strike.  We carefully stored it, feeling that it may be somehow important in our investigations of how the devil to escape this blasted (but quite quaint and picturesque) country.
As we lay down to sleep, the body of poor, poor Phoebe Nix will unfortunately have to be a supper for the wolves.  We have neither the time nor strength to give her a proper Christian burial, so I simply pray that angels will carry her to her rest, much as they carried us to our salvation.

I have, as of yet, no explanation as to how we came to be in Holland.  I suspect voodoo priests, angry at my father's near-constant defilement of their temples.  Most plausible.

Entertainment / Fire and money
« on: October 25, 2012, 11:34:04 AM »
Huddersfield Pendragon Roundtable is going to start a massive fire and charge people to look at it.  There's a fireworks display, too (last year was a team that does fireworks shows in Vegas.  It was all rather impressive).  There's a few vans selling burgers and stuff, a fairground for the kiddies too so, y'know, wholesome family fun.
With explosions.  Details here
Plus, you'll get to see me having to interface with the general public after I've been freezing my balls off in a field since 10 in the morning, so there's schadenfreude too!  Last year was kind of  laugh though.
If you fancy, it's probably best to arrive a bit early.  The queues build up fast and the car park fills up pretty quick too.

Slight problem though, this one's going to be a bit bigger than last year's (where we filled the field to capacity and then some) so we're looking for some assistance on the night.  If anybody's interested, they're offering 20 for the evening (which'll come with free entry) and it'll mostly be event marshaling stuff (we have Roundtable marshals, we just need some extra hands).  Telling people where the toilets are, making sure people don't set themselves on fire, taking lost kids to the lost kids station, that kind of thing.  It's a bit of CV fodder too.  We're expecting to pull in over 4k for the community on the night (last year was more like 8) and it's pretty well known as an event in the surrounding area.

You would need to be sober the entire time on account of there being kids and such.  The ability to travel would be real helpful, but I can ferry people around in the Sparky Party Van.

Real-World Children (And other recipes) / Theodore Bagshot
« on: October 23, 2012, 10:12:51 PM »
*Mid-term, a skinny boy is ushered into the classroom.  Blonde, blue eyed with an expression of enthusiasm.  He's wearing a sash covered in neatly arrange pin badges, all arranged by colour over the top of his blazer.  He's holding a neatly written essay entitled "All about me"*

"Hallo!  Hi!  My name is Theodore Bagshot (or Theo.  Not Teddy), son of the world renowned adventurer Reginald Bagshot.  I'm sure you've heard of him, he's written dozens of books.  They're brilliant, he shoots tigers and saves tribesmen and climbs mountains and everything!  He's even promised to take me with him once I'm older!
I'm going to be an adventurer when I grow up.  I've got it all planned.  I'm in the cub scouts at the moment which is teaching me all kinds of interesting stuff about how to survive in the wilderness and to cook and to track and to put up tents and everything.  My scout leader says I'm the most decorated cub scout in the county!  I wear my merit badges everywhere so if ever anybody needs some first aid or needs some help crossing the road, they'll know I'm there and happy to help!  You have to help a lot of people to be a cub scout, you know.  It's our duty!
I've just transferred from Newcastle.  That's in the North.  Dad says he doesn't want to live in Newcastle any more because the 'urban setting is detrimental to his creative spirit' whatever that means.  He says it an awful lot.  So now we live here!  I've been having a great time exploring!
I hope we'll all be the best of friends!"

At first break, he was immediately relieved of all his lunch money.  This continued for the next 3 months, at which point he simply stopped trying to get lunch.

Theodore is a painfully eager and optimistic little boy who's dedicated himself to learning.  General knowledge, life skills, if it's in a book he loves it, particularly the stories his father has written.  Reg Bagshot, currently unemployed and divorced, isn't actually an explorer at all, he's an author of cheap paperback adventure novels in which he tends to feature prominently, but since he's such a hero in the eyes of his boy, he hasn't had the heart to tell him that he's not a thrice-knighted invincible explorer of forgotten and distant lands.  His divorce forced him to seek alternate housing and having won the custody battle, he took Theodore with him.  Theodore currently thinks his mother is on safari.
Theodore knows nothing but theory.  He's great at things that can be studied or that he can take his time with, but he's a weakling and has too much of a condescending nature (he thinks he's trying to be helpful) to really make real friends.  Underachievers sometimes tolerate him when he helps with their homework, but he has a problem with social connections, even among other nerds.
The scout badges don't help.

He's unusually brave for a bookworm, but only because he carries the spirit of adventure in him, constantly trying to live up to the imaginary Bagshot reputation.  If he ever truly realised that pith-helmeted tea-swilling adventurers simply don't exist any more, he'd be an inconsolable, weeping coward.

He's never seen without the full collected works of Reginald Bagshot, gentleman explorer, an illustrated junior encylopedia and a pocket atlas.

The Bar / Beer news
« on: July 28, 2012, 12:41:53 PM »
Is this new?  It might have been around a while.
Anyways, I'm told the owner of the Rat and Ratchet owns a shop now, Hand Drawn Monkey, which sells reasonably priced beers in vast quantities and varieties.  I've not visited their establishment yet myself, but I'm told that it contains wonderful experiences and products.

I think I'll be having a sniff around there in a couple of weeks.

The Bar / Ducks
« on: May 14, 2012, 11:16:39 AM »
I could raise this as an AGM topic, but that'd be a little douchey, perhaps.
I'm selling tickets to the Holmfirth Duck Race again so if anybody fancies a flutter ('cause they're ducks, boom boom!) then let me know (I'm the one in the business suit in case you don't know).
1st prize is 1000, then 200, then 100 (or a month's gym membership if you come in last).  Money goes to local charities and we have stalls selling beer, cakes and Dixon's ice cream (last year had a hog roast and a fancy-ass pie shop.  I'm really hoping they'll come back).  Or there's welly wanging, carnival games and a coconut shy if you  think you'd like to own a giant plush Spiderman, a coconut or... whatever the a welly wanger wins.  Pride?

I'm told that they swim faster in groups of 5.  I'm inclined to believe this and that's totally nothing to do with me not having much change.

Alternatively, you're free to come without any tickets and laugh at me while I slog away on a Saturday afternoon while everyone else gets to get drunk!  I'll probably be waist deep and snivelling in a river or something.

The Bar / The Bar - Albert Gas Leek info.
« on: November 17, 2011, 08:55:11 PM »
Silly question perhaps, the Albert IS still alright, right?  Alright as in all clear, not as in "still standing" since I'm going to assume that it's not physically exploded.  I never really get a chance to go into town is all.

A Bhajo's Bravado / My most sincere apologies
« on: November 01, 2011, 04:58:43 AM »
After having performed my sacrifice for Movember, I seem to have been immediately struck down with a manflu the likes of which I have never seen.
Sorry, but you guys probably don't want this.

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